I read a lot of blogs. Some of the ones I like best are the ones that are brutally honest about their lives. The crappy moments aren't sugar-coated. They're unapologetically exposed for the world to read. These bloggers write as a form of therapy, a way to release the negativity they feel. I've debated for two months now, on whether or not I would share on this blog how shitty I've been feeling, and the reason behind it. It's scary for me to see myself changing from someone who used to laugh at everything to someone who is always on the verge of crying. I don't like the new me. I don't want to be the sad/mad/bitter person I see myself becoming. It scares me. It makes me worry that Hudson feels it. It makes me worry that the baby inside me feels it. It's scary being 7 months pregnant and not knowing if, and when, and where I'll be settled in the next two months. I am tired of feeling like life is always a "struggle" for me and my family. When is it my turn to "coast" through life instead of struggling? I feel robbed of a good future, and instead given a bleak one. Without going into detail, we are not moving to BC like I've written about in the past, because that career has ended before it even began. I don't want to sound cryptic, but it's not really my story to tell.
Do I need a kick in the pants???
I know I should be setting my priorities straight. I have a beautiful, healthy child. I have another one on the way. I have a husband who loves me. I have a family who would do anything for me. I have friends who let me cry/vent to them as often as necessary.
So why can't I let this go?